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I'm a very, very morally ambiguous girl...

To my complete and utter fucking surprise, my very crappy weekend actually ended quite nicely.  AND I might actually get to sleep before 2 a.m.!  AND Teagan starts daycare/preschool FULL TIME tomorrow, so I can have normal work hours.  Or something.  Anyway, 7ish hours without kids!

Also, I think I've come up with a working solution to one of my life problems, which will actually be beneficial to someone else, too. *is cryptic*  And I realized I'd been head-casting Verity ALL WRONG and she is actually played by Rachel Miner NOT Jennifer Lawrence.  Which is a great improvement, and my inspiration folder has been updated accordingly.

Lastly, there is apparently a horror movie called 5 Souls starring Ian Bohen and I need to watch it.

And a question for any socially adept people who might have accidentally stumbled upon my blog and been too stunned to run away: Can you tell someone that they're your best friend? Is that a thing you can say to people?

RMVerity Verity Doyle

Jeremy5 Jeremy Spencer


( 5 therapy notes — Commit yourself )
Sep. 9th, 2013 01:28 pm (UTC)
I tell my best friends they're my best friends, if that helps.
Sep. 9th, 2013 02:37 pm (UTC)
Well I’m not very socially adept, in fact if I was less socially adept I would probably be living in a remote cave somewhere with a huge beard mumbling to myself and working on a “manifesto” of some sort that only I would ever read. That being said here is my two cents:

I personally have always avoided using the term “best friend” publicly because openly categorizing my friends by priority of importance to me is difficult and can lead to hurt feelings. Let me elaborate.

I have a friend who for a verity of reasons that don’t need to be delved into at the moment has very few friends, even when compared to me. I would say myself included he has perhaps 3 perhaps 4 friends total. Now I don’t mean he has lots of acquaintances and 3 or 4 close friends, I mean he only knows 3 perhaps 4 people who he could consider more than a passing acquaintance and of those a couple could be considered “friends”. He and I have known each other since high school and on more than one occasion he has told me that I’m his best friend which I essentially told him was very flattering. That was not what he wanted to hear however and kept pressuring me about who “I” considered to be my best friend. He obviously felt it would and should be him. This made me feel very uncomfortable and awkward. I dodged and evaded the question for a long time until eventually I had to tell him I didn’t rate my friends and so didn’t actually “have” a “best” friend that they were all equal to me. That seemed to satisfy him as he apparently assumed that reading between the lines “he” was first among equals and thus my best friend.

I “do” have someone I consider my best friend whom I’ve known for over 30 years. We grew up together and spent nearly all our time around each other We spent as much time eating and sleeping at each other’s houses as kids and going on family vacations together we might as well have been family. I’ve never had a sibling so I don’t know what having a brother is like but he is what I would guess it would be like and is the closest friend I have. I didn’t want to tell my other friend (the one who declared me “his” best friend) this as he would have been hurt and very offended. I haven’t told my long time friend I consider him to “my” best friend because even though we are close and have been for a while we haven’t seen each other in over a decade and aren’t as much a part of each other’s lives as we once were and so he might have a new “best friend” out where he lives now and I wouldn’t want to put him in the same uncomfortable position I was put in by my other friend.

So to sum up I “do” have a hierarchy of friends but that is information I keep to myself and as far as my friends are concerned they are all just “my friends” and I leave it at that without assigning a “best” title to any of them.

All that said, again take this with a grain of salt as my interpersonal skills are somewhat lacking and you should do what you think is best. That is my thoughts on the subject however.

Sep. 9th, 2013 02:57 pm (UTC)
I don't think your interpersonal skills are lacking! I think they're just different to mine.
I'm not personally worried about hurt feelings, because if you're easily bruised being a friend of mine is Not A Good Idea. I actually like to weed those people out before there is DRAMA.
I'm more worried about being overly creepy and making people back away slowly.
Also, not terribly concerned with being anybody's best friend back. Frankly I'm surprised at the number of people who are willing to talk to me on a regular basis (that's not low self-esteem, I'm just aware I am often a narcissistic bitch).
I really value your insight though! Part of why I asked is because I'm always curious how other people deal with emotional and social situations. I'm often very out of step with that.
Sep. 9th, 2013 05:42 pm (UTC)
" I'm more worried about being overly creepy and making people back away slowly. "

To be honest I'm not very good at telling what is and is not creepy. I've never been particularly good at that (hence the wake of creeped out people I leave where ever I spend a significant amount of time.

This morning for instance there was this delicious smell of cooking meat of some sort coming from the the other tower of our building is (its also where the facility cafe is) and the smell was permeating the whole facility making my mouth water. I commented on the smell by saying how tasty it seemed and said jokingly "I sure hope that smell isn't someone who had an aneurism and died on the floor next to their space heater or I'm going to be ticked. Boy would that be awkward!"

I thought it was funny. My coworkers kind of made those grins you see from terrified chimps that look more like a grimace than a smile. There was an uncomfortable silence then one of them said "uh...yeah...I hope....not.".

I thought it was funny anyway.

Edited at 2013-09-09 06:41 pm (UTC)
Sep. 10th, 2013 12:15 am (UTC)
Goddamn it! I had an awesome comment in this section and then karma smooshed it.

I tell people they are my best friends all the time... and I tell them that I love them. I think it might be working with tiny kids, but IDK, I just don't think either of these things are BIG DEALS anymore. But, then again, I understand that having more than one best friend lessens the import of said announcement. IDK... I'm not super socially adept either... but I am really, really aware of social cues, like too aware. That, of course, only works with IRL interactions.

( 5 therapy notes — Commit yourself )

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